The vessel was a total wreck. Everyone was busily employed, but nobody could be either heard or obeyed. The Anabaptist, being upon deck, lent a helping hand as well as the rest, when a brutish sailor gave him a blow and laid him speechless; but, not withstanding, with the violence of the blow the tar himself tumbled headforemost overboard, and fell upon a piece of the broken mast, which he immediately grasped.
Geliehen, lieht, lieh, liehen, liehst, verlieht, verliehst, verliehen, verlieh, Fastenzeit, geborgt. Candide, who beheld all that passed and saw his benefactor one moment rising above water, and the next swallowed up by the merciless waves, was preparing to jump after him, but was prevented by the philosopher Pangloss, who demonstrated to him that the roadstead of Lisbon had been made on purpose for the Anabaptist to be drowned there.
While he was proving his argument a priori, the ship foundered, and the whole crew perished, except Pangloss, Candide, and the sailor who had been the means of drowning the good Anabaptist. The villain swam ashore; but Pangloss and Candide reached the land upon a plank. Scarcely had they ceased to lament the loss of their benefactor and set foot in the city, when they perceived that the earth trembled under their feet, and the sea, swelling and foaming in the harbor, was dashing in pieces the vessels that were riding at anchor.
Large sheets of flames and cinders covered the streets and public places; the houses tottered, and were tumbled topsy-turvy even to their foundations, which were themselves destroyed, and thirty thousand inhabitants of both sexes, young and old, were buried beneath the ruins.
The sailor, whistling and swearing, cried, "Damn it, there's something to be got here. The sailor, defying death in the pursuit of plunder, rushed into the midst of the ruin, where he found some money, with which he got drunk, and, after he had slept himself sober he purchased the favors of the first good-natured wench that came in his way, amidst the ruins of demolished houses and the groans of half-buried and expiring persons. Hafen, der Hafen, Beherbergen. Voltaire 17 Pangloss pulled him by the sleeve.
The next day, in searching among the ruins, they found some eatables with which they repaired their exhausted strength. After this they assisted the inhabitants in relieving the distressed and wounded. Some, whom they had humanely assisted, gave them as good a dinner as could be expected under such terrible circumstances. The repast, indeed, was mournful, and the company moistened their bread with their tears; but Pangloss endeavored to comfort them under this affliction by affirming that things could not be otherwise that they were.
This person, taking him up with great German affirming: Verzeihung, Begnadigung, Vergebung, verzeihen, entschuldigen, amnestieren, Entschuldigung. Vorschlag, Satz, Vorschlag machen, Lehrsatz. In consequence thereof they had seized on a Biscayan for marrying his godmother, and on two Portuguese for taking out the bacon of a larded pullet they were eating; after dinner they came and secured Dr.
Pangloss, and his pupil Candide, the one for speaking his mind, and the other for seeming to approve what he had said. They were conducted to separate apartments, extremely cool, where they were never incommoded with the sun. Eight days afterwards they German apartments: Patin, Patentante, Taufpatin, Fahrpreisanzeiger. The mitre and sanbenito worn by Candide were painted with flames reversed and with devils that had neither tails nor claws; but Dr. Pangloss's devils had both tails and claws, and his flames were upright. In these habits they marched in procession, and heard a very pathetic sermon, which was followed by an anthem, accompanied by bagpipes.
Candide was flogged to some tune, while the anthem was being sung; the Biscayan and the two men who would not eat bacon were burned, and Pangloss was hanged, which is not a common custom at these solemnities. The same day there was another earthquake, which made most dreadful havoc. If I had only been whipped, I could have put up with it, as I did among the Bulgarians; but, not withstanding, oh my dear Pangloss! O my dear Anabaptist, thou best of men, that it should be thy fate to be drowned in the very harbor! O Miss Cunegonde, you mirror of young ladies! Anthony of Padua, and the illustrious St.
James of Compostella, take you under their protection. I shall be back tomorrow. Anoint your back, eat, and take your rest. Topf, Kanne, Krug, der Topf, Hafen. The next morning, the old woman brought him his breakfast; examined his back, and rubbed it herself with another ointment. She returned at the proper time, and brought him his dinner; and at night, she visited him again with his supper. The next day she observed the same ceremonies. What return can I make you for this charitable assistance? In the evening she returned, but without his supper.
The old conductress knocked at a little door, which was immediately opened, and she showed him up a pair of back stairs, into a small, but richly furnished apartment. There she made him sit down on a brocaded sofa, shut the door upon him, and left him. Candide thought himself in a trance; he looked upon his whole life, hitherto, as a frightful dream, and the present moment as a very agreeable one.
The old woman soon returned, supporting, with great difficulty, a young lady, who appeared scarce able to stand. She was of a majestic mien and stature, her dress was rich, and glittering with diamonds, and her face was covered with a veil. The young man approached, and, with a trembling hand, took off her veil. What a happy moment! He thought he beheld Miss Cunegonde; he did behold her -it was she herself. His strength failed him, he could not utter a word, he fell at her feet. Cunegonde fainted upon the sofa. The old woman bedewed them with spirits; they recovered-they began to speak.
At first they could express themselves only in broken accents; their questions and answers were alternately interrupted with sighs, tears, and exclamations. The old woman desired them to make less noise, and after this prudent admonition left them together. Voltaire 23 "Good heavens! Is it Miss Cunegonde I behold, and alive? Do I find you again in Portugal? And how did you know of my being here?
And by what strange adventure did you contrive to have me brought into this house?
And how-" "I will tell you all", replied the lady, "but first you must acquaint me with all that has befallen you since the innocent kiss you gave me, and the rude kicking you received in consequence of it. Cunegonde, with her eyes uplifted to heaven, shed tears when he related the death of the good Anabaptist, James, and of Pangloss; after which she thus related her adventures to Candide, who lost not one syllable she uttered, and seemed to devour her with his eyes all the time she was speaking.
Abenteuer, Gefahren, Geschick, Schicksale. A tall Bulgarian soldier, six feet high, perceiving that I had fainted away at this sight, attempted to ravish me; the operation brought me to my senses. I cried, I struggled, I bit, I scratched, I would have torn the tall Bulgarian's eyes out, not knowing that what had happened at my father's castle was a customary thing.
The brutal soldier, enraged at my resistance, gave me a wound in my left leg with his hanger, the mark of which I still carry. The officer, enraged at the fellow's want of respect to him, killed him with one stroke of his German asleep: Voltaire 25 sabre as he lay upon me. This captain took care of me, had me cured, and carried me as a prisoner of war to his quarters.
I washed what little linen he possessed, and cooked his victuals: In three months, having gambled away all his money, and having grown tired of me, he sold me to a Jew, named Don Issachar, who traded in Holland and Portugal, and was passionately fond of women. This Jew showed me great kindness, in hopes of gaining my favors; but he never could prevail on me to yield.
A modest woman may be once ravished; but her virtue is greatly strengthened thereby. In order to make sure of me, he brought me to this country house you now see. I had hitherto believed that nothing could equal the beauty of the castle of Thunder-ten-tronckh; but I found I was mistaken. I was conducted to his palace, where I told him all my story; he represented to me how much it was beneath a person of my birth to belong to a circumcised Israelite.
He caused a proposal to be made to Don Issachar, that he should resign me to His Lordship. Don Issachar, being the court banker and a man of credit, was not easy to be prevailed upon. His Lordship threatened him with an auto-da-fe; in short, my Jew was frightened into a compromise, and it was agreed between them, that the house and myself should belong to both in common; that the Jew should have Monday, Wednesday, and the Sabbath to himself; and the Inquisitor the other four days of the week.
This agreement has subsisted almost six months; but not without several contests, whether the space from Saturday night to Sunday morning belonged to the old or the new law. For my part, I have hitherto withstood them both, and truly I believe this is the very reason why they are both so fond of me. He did me the honor to invite me to the ceremony. I had a very good seat; and refreshments German banker: I was dreadfully shocked at the burning of the two Jews, and the honest Biscayan who married his godmother; but how great was my surprise, my consternation, and concern, when I beheld a figure so like Pangloss, dressed in a sanbenito and mitre!
I rubbed my eyes, I looked at him attentively. I saw him hanged, and I fainted away: I must confess to you for a truth, that your skin is whiter and more blooming than that of the Bulgarian captain. This spectacle worked me up to a pitch of distraction. I screamed out, and would have said, 'Hold, barbarians!
After you had been severely whipped, I said to myself, 'How is it possible that the lovely Candide and the sage Pangloss should be at Lisbon, the one to receive a hundred lashes, and the other to be hanged by order of My Lord Inquisitor, of whom I am so great a favorite? Pangloss deceived me most cruelly, in saying that everything is for the best.
I returned thanks to God for having brought you to the place where I was, after so many trials. I charged the old woman who attends me to bring you hither as soon as was convenient. She has punctually executed my orders, and I now enjoy the inexpressible satisfaction of seeing you, hearing you, and speaking to you. But you must certainly be half-dead with hunger; I myself have a great inclination to eat, and so let us sit down to supper.
Sklaverei, Dienstbarkeit, Leibeigenschaft, Frondienst, Frone. Voltaire 27 Issachar, one of the masters of the house, entered unexpectedly; it was the Sabbath day, and he came to enjoy his privilege, and sigh forth his passion at the feet of the fair Cunegonde. Seufzen, Seufzer, Gier, Sucht. The Inquisitor was not enough for thee, but this rascal must come in for a share with me? Candide drew his rapier, and though he was very gentle and sweet-tempered, he laid the Israelite dead on the floor at the fair Cunegonde's feet. A man killed in my apartment! If the peace-officers come, we are undone.
Wohnung, Appartement, Etagenwohnung, Mietwohnung, Gemach. Voltaire 29 "Had not Pangloss been hanged", replied Candide, "he would have given us most excellent advice, in this emergency; for he was a profound philosopher. But, since he is not here, let us consult the old woman. It was now one o'clock in the morning, and of course the beginning of Sunday, which, by agreement, fell to the lot of My Lord Inquisitor. Entering he discovered the flagellated Candide with his drawn sword in his hand, a dead body stretched on the floor, Cunegonde frightened out of her wits, and the old woman giving advice.
But how could you, who are of so mild a temper, despatch a Jew and an Inquisitor in two minutes' time? Madam has a parcel of moidores and jewels, let us mount immediately, though I have lost one buttock; let us set out for Cadiz; it is the finest weather in the world, and there is great pleasure in traveling in the cool of the night. Barmherzigkeit, Gnade, Mitleid, Nachsicht. While they were making the best of their way, the Holy Brotherhood entered the house. My Lord, the Inquisitor, was interred in a magnificent manner, and Master Issachar's body was thrown upon a dunghill.
What shall we do? Where shall I find Inquisitors and Jews who can give me more? God forbid I should condemn any one wrongfully, but he came into our room twice, and he set off in the morning long before us. Have you nothing at all left, my dear Miss Cunegonde? Candide, Cunegonde, and the old woman, after passing through Lucina, Chellas, and Letrixa, arrived at length at Cadiz. A fleet was then getting ready, and troops were assembling in order to induce the reverend fathers, Jesuits of Paraguay, who were accused of having excited one of the Indian tribes in the neighborhood of the town of the Holy Sacrament, to revolt against the Kings of Spain and Portugal.
Candide, having been in the Bulgarian service, performed the military exercise of that nation before the general of this little army with so intrepid an air, and with such agility and expedition, that he received the command of a company of foot. Being now made a captain, he embarked with Miss Cunegonde, the old woman, two valets, and the two Andalusian horses, which had belonged to the Grand Inquisitor of Portugal.
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During their voyage they amused themselves with many profound reasonings on poor Pangloss's philosophy. Though I have a sincere love for you", said Miss Cunegonde, "yet I still shudder at the reflection of what I have seen and experienced. Voltaire 33 Miss Cunegonde could scarce refrain from laughing at the good old woman, and thought it droll enough to pretend to a greater share of misfortunes than her own. Add to this, though born a baroness, and bearing seventytwo quarterings, I have been reduced to the station of a cook-wench.
My nose did not always touch my chin; nor was I always a servant. To the age of fourteen I was brought up in a castle, compared with which all the castles of the German barons would not have been fit for stabling, and one of my robes would have bought half the province of Westphalia. I grew up, and improved in beauty, wit, and every graceful accomplishment; and in the midst of pleasures, homage, and the highest expectations. I already began to inspire the men with love. My breast began to take its right form, and such a breast!source
The things I remember about Palo Alto while growing up:
My maids, when they dressed and undressed me, used to fall into an ecstasy in viewing me before and behind; and all the men longed to be in their places. Kinn, das Kinn, Kinnbacken. Voltaire 35 "I was contracted in marriage to a sovereign prince of Massa Carrara. I loved him, too, as our sex generally do for the first time, with rapture, transport, and idolatry. The nuptials were prepared with surprising pomp and magnificence; the ceremony was attended with feasts, carousals, and burlesques: In less than two hours after he returned from the visit, he died of most terrible convulsions.
My mother, distracted to the highest degree, and yet less afflicted than I, determined to absent herself for some time from so fatal a place. As she had a very fine estate in the neighborhood of Gaeta, we embarked on board a galley, which was gilded like the high altar of St. In our passage we were boarded by a Sallee rover. Our men defended themselves like true Pope's soldiers; they flung themselves upon their knees, laid down their arms, and begged the corsair to give them absolution in articulo mortis.
My mother, my maids of honor, and myself, were served all in the same manner. It is amazing how quick these gentry are at undressing people. But what surprised me most was, that they made a rude sort of surgical examination of parts of the body which are sacred to the functions of nature. I thought it a very strange kind of ceremony; for thus we are generally apt to judge of things when we have not seen the world.
I afterwards learned that it was to discover if we had any diamonds concealed. This practice had been established since time immemorial among those civilized nations that scour the seas. I was informed that the religious Knights of Malta never fail to make this search whenever any Moors of either sex fall into their hands. It is a part of the law of nations, from which they never deviate. You may easily imagine what German absolution: My mother was still extremely handsome, our maids of honor, and even our common waiting-women, had more charms than were to be found in all Africa.
I did not retain it long; this precious flower, which had been reserved for the lovely Prince of Massa Carrara, was cropped by the captain of the Moorish vessel, who was a hideous Negro, and thought he did me infinite honor. Indeed, both the Princess of Palestrina and myself must have had very strong constitutions to undergo all the hardships and violences we suffered before our arrival at Morocco. But I will not detain you any longer with such common things; they are hardly worth mentioning.
Fifty sons of the Emperor Muley Ishmael were each at the head of a party. This produced fifty civil wars of blacks against blacks, of tawnies against tawnies, and of mulattoes against mulattoes. In short, the whole empire was one continued scene of carnage. Next to the money and jewels, we were the most valuable things he had.
I witnessed on this occasion such a battle as you never beheld in your cold European climates. The northern nations have not that fermentation in their blood, nor that raging lust for women that is so common in Africa. The natives of Europe seem to have their veins filled with milk only; but fire and vitriol circulate in those of the inhabitants of Mount Atlas and the neighboring provinces. They fought with the fury of the lions, tigers, and serpents of their country, to decide who should have us. A Moor seized my mother by the right arm, while my captain's lieutenant held her by the left; another Moor laid hold of her by the right leg, and one of our corsairs held her by the other.
In this manner almost all of our women were dragged by four soldiers. Voltaire 37 The captives, my companions, the Moors who took us, the soldiers, the sailors, the blacks, the whites, the mulattoes, and lastly, my captain himself, were all slain, and I remained alone expiring upon a heap of dead bodies. Similar barbarous scenes were transacted every day over the whole country, which is of three hundred leagues in extent, and yet they never missed the five stated times of prayer enjoined by their prophet Mahomet. My senses being overpowered, I fell asleep, or rather seemed to be in a trance.
Thus I lay in a state of weakness and insensibility between life and death, when I felt myself pressed by something that moved up and down upon my body. This brought me to myself. I opened my eyes, and saw a pretty fair-faced man, who sighed and muttered these words between his teeth, 'O che sciagura d'essere senza coglioni! And to convince him of it, I gave him a short history of the horrible disasters that had befallen me; and as soon as I had finished, fell into a swoon again. I underwent this operation very successfully, and was one of the singers in the Princess of Palestrina's chapel.
Ma che sciagura d'essere senza coglioni! I had not been long a slave when the plague, which had made the tour of Africa, Asia, and Europe, broke out at Algiers with redoubled fury. You have seen an earthquake; but tell me, miss, have you ever had the plague? It is very common in Africa; I was seized with it.
Figure to yourself the distressed condition of the daughter of a Pope, only fifteen years old, and who in less than three months had felt the miseries of poverty and slavery; had been debauched almost every day; had beheld her mother cut into four quarters; had experienced the scourges of famine and war; and was now dying of the plague at Algiers. I did not, however, die of it; but my eunuch, and the Dey, and almost the whole seraglio of Algiers, were swept off. Eunuch, Entmanntner, Kastrat, Verschnittener.
Sklave, Sklavin, Knecht, Dienstsklave, Leibeigene. Sklaverei, Sklavenarbeit, Knechtschaft, Sklavenleben. I was purchased by a merchant who carried me to Tunis. This man sold me to another merchant, who sold me again to another at Tripoli; from Tripoli I was sold to Alexandria, from Alexandria to Smyrna, and from Smyrna to Constantinople. After many changes, I at length became the property of an Aga of the Janissaries, who, soon after I came into his possession, was ordered away to the defense of Azoff, then besieged by the Russians.
Our army made a great slaughter among the Russians; but they soon returned us the compliment. Azoff was taken by storm, and the enemy spared neither age, sex, nor condition, but put all to the sword, and laid the city in ashes. Our little fort alone held out; they resolved to reduce us by famine. The twenty janissaries, who were left to defend it, had bound themselves by an oath never to surrender the place.
Being reduced to the extremity of famine, they found themselves obliged to kill our two eunuchs, and eat them rather than violate their oath. But this horrible repast soon failing them, they next determined to devour the women. Heaven will approve of so charitable an action, and work your deliverance.
The man applied the same balsam as they do to children after circumcision. We were all ready to give up the ghost. The Russians paid no regard to the condition we were in; but there are French surgeons in all parts of the world, and one of them took us under his care, and cured us. I shall never forget, while I German ashes: Schlachten, abschlachten, erschlagen, Gemetzel, Schlachtung. Voltaire 41 live, that as soon as my wounds were perfectly healed he made me certain proposals.
In general, he desired us all to be of a good cheer, assuring us that the like had happened in many sieges; and that it was perfectly agreeable to the laws of war. As for me, I fell to the lot of a Boyard, who put me to work in his garden, and gave me twenty lashes a day.
But this nobleman having about two years afterwards been broken alive upon the wheel, with about thirty others, for some court intrigues, I took advantage of the event, and made my escape. I traveled over a great part of Russia. I have grown old in misery and disgrace, living with only one buttock, and having in perpetual remembrance that I am a Pope's daughter. I have been a hundred times upon the point of killing myself, but still I was fond of life. This ridiculous weakness is, perhaps, one of the dangerous principles implanted in our nature.
For what can be more absurd than to persist in carrying a burden of which we wish to be eased? In a word, to caress the serpent that devours us, and hug him close to our bosoms till he has gnawed into our hearts? My last place was with the Jew, Don Issachar, who placed me near your person, my fair lady; to whose fortunes I have attached myself, and have been more concerned with your adventures than with my own. I should never have even mentioned the latter to you, had you not a little piqued me on the head of sufferings; and if it were not customary to tell stories on board a ship in order to pass away the time.
Schlange, Slang, Luder, Aas. She very readily acceded to her proposal of engaging the passengers to relate their adventures in their turns, and was at length, as well as Candide, compelled to acknowledge that the old woman was in the right. This nobleman carried German acceded: Gouverneur, Regler, Statthalter, Regulator, Landvogt.
He spoke with the most noble disdain to everyone, carried his nose so high, strained his voice to such a pitch, assumed so imperious an air, and stalked with so much loftiness and pride, that everyone who had the honor of conversing with him was violently tempted to bastinade His Excellency. He was immoderately fond of women, and Miss Cunegonde appeared in his eyes a paragon of beauty. The first thing he did was to ask her if she was not the captain's wife.
The air with which he made this demand alarmed Candide, who did not dare to say he was married to her, because indeed he was not; neither did he venture to say she was his sister, because she was not; and though a lie of this nature proved of great service to one of the ancients, and might possibly be useful to some of the moderns, yet the purity of his heart would not permit him to violate the truth.
The gentle Candide obeyed, and the Governor was left with Miss Cunegonde. He made her a strong declaration of love, protesting that he was ready to give her his hand in the face of the Church, or otherwise, as should appear most agreeable to a young lady of her prodigious beauty. Cunegonde desired leave to retire a quarter of an hour to consult the old woman, and determine how she should proceed. The old woman gave her the following counsel: It is your own fault if you do not become the wife of one of the greatest noblemen in South America, with an exceeding fine mustachio.
What business have you to pride yourself upon an unshaken constancy? You have been outraged by a Bulgarian soldier; a Jew and an Inquisitor have both tasted of your favors. People take advantage of misfortunes. I must confess, were I in your place, I should, without the least German ancients: Voltaire 45 scruple, give my hand to the Governor, and thereby make the fortune of the brave Captain Candide. Matters had fallen out as follows.
This same friar attempted to sell some of the diamonds to a jeweler, who presently knew them to have belonged to the Grand Inquisitor, and stopped them. The Franciscan, before he was hanged, acknowledged that he had stolen them and described the persons, and the road they had taken. The flight of Cunegonde and Candide was already the towntalk. They sent in pursuit of them to Cadiz; and the vessel which had been sent to make the greater dispatch, had now reached the port of Buenos Ayres.
A report was spread that an alcayde was going to land, and that he was in pursuit of the murderers of My Lord, the Inquisitor. The sage old woman immediately saw what was to be done. He was the fourth part of a Spaniard, of a mongrel breed, and born in Tucuman. He had successively gone through the profession of a singing boy, sexton, sailor, monk, peddler, soldier, and lackey.
His name was Cacambo; he had a great affection for his master, because his master was a very good man. He immediately saddled the two Andalusian horses. Cunegonde, so long lost and found again, what will now become of you? Mischling, Bastard, Bastardartig, Hybrid, hybridisch. God takes care of them, and so let us make the best of our way. James of Compostella", said Cacambo, "you were going to fight against the Jesuits of Paraguay; now let us go and fight for them; I know the road perfectly well; I'll conduct you to their kingdom; they will be delighted with a captain that understands the Bulgarian drill; you will certainly make a prodigious fortune.
If we cannot succeed in this world we may in another. It is a great pleasure to see new objects and perform new exploits. Oh, it is an admirable government, that is most certain! The kingdom is at present upwards of three hundred leagues in diameter, and divided into thirty provinces; the fathers there are masters of everything, and the people have no money at all; this you must allow is the masterpiece of justice and reason.
For my part, I see nothing so divine as the good fathers, who wage war in this part of the world against the troops of Spain and Portugal, at the same time that they hear the confessions of those very princes in Europe; who kill Spaniards in America and send them to Heaven at Madrid. This pleases me exceedingly, but let us push forward; you are going to see the happiest and most fortunate of all mortals.
How charmed will those fathers be to hear that a captain who understands the Bulgarian military drill is coming to them. Notice was given to the main guard, and immediately a Paraguayan officer ran to throw himself at the feet of the Commandant to impart this news to him. Candide and Cacambo were immediately disarmed, and their two Andalusian horses were seized.
The two strangers were conducted between two files of musketeers, the Commandant was at the further end with a three-cornered cap German charmed: A sergeant told them that they must wait, the Commandant could not speak to them; and that the Reverend Father Provincial did not suffer any Spaniard to open his mouth but in his presence, or to stay above three hours in the province. An excellent breakfast was provided in vessels of gold; and while the Paraguayans were eating coarse Indian corn out of wooden dishes in the open air, and exposed to the burning heat of the sun, the Reverend Father Commandant retired to his cool arbor.
He was a very handsome young man, round-faced, fair, and fresh-colored, his eyebrows were finely arched, he had a piercing eye, the tips of his ears were red, his lips vermilion, and he had a bold and commanding air; but such a boldness as neither resembled that of a Spaniard nor of a Jesuit. He ordered Candide and Cacambo to have their arms restored to them, together with their two Andalusian horses.
Cacambo gave the poor beasts some oats to eat close by the arbor, keeping a strict eye upon them all the while for fear of surprise. Candide having kissed the hem of the Commandant's robe, they sat down to table. Kleid, Robe, Talar, Abendkleid. Robe, Talar, Kleid, Morgenrock. Voltaire 49 "It seems you are a German", said the Jesuit to him in that language. As they pronounced these words they looked at each other with great amazement and with an emotion that neither could conceal.
On this they both drew a few steps backwards, then running into each other's arms, embraced, and wept profusely. You are the brother of the fair Miss Cunegonde? You that was slain by the Bulgarians! You the Baron's son! You a Jesuit in Paraguay! I must confess this is a strange world we live in. And I thought that WE were bigtime partiers in the late '60's.
You probably recall, if it wasn't for "Pete" McCloskey, we'd have to go elsewhere for our beer and other alcohol beverages. Stanford sure made it hard on the folks back then. She was a great poke. She still talks 'bout those days. She's blind as a bat, but I still like ta spend a little time with her we just talk, and spit tebacci, at this point.
We talk 'bout the old days, and jest hold hands. Them opium dens were the real deal. Us crazy ass white guys, came into town every Saturday night. Them chinamen was right where we headed, before hittin' the saloons. A lot of them Stanford boys could hardly wait to get outta that jail that Mrs. They could sniff freedom, when it wuz close to 'em.
Some of 'em were good on a pony, but they wanted another kinda ride, if ya follow me , Sonny. Them boys could explode! That is why Mrs. Stanford went on the attack, cuz she couldn't stand a little fun. She put up a big high fence, but it wuz just a little more fun for them horny boys. They figured out 'bout eatin' clubs over where the working guys were.
Go to class in the mornin', go for a poke in the evenin'. Problem was those boys had rich fathers who would, on occashin, join their sons in the fun. Stanford figgerred it out. She rigged the election. Her guys even bought drinks for us guys, to make shur we didn't vote. Don't forgetta 'bout the free opium.
It was the end of an honest day of drinkin' and whorin' and snortin'. Not to menchun horsin' and that grand pleasure of spittin'. She even got ridda the hooch. She hated the chinamen, but they held on by pretendin' to serve grub. The great grankids of them Stanford boys and their old men are slowly takin' back the place. But I ain't seen a real horse or a real whore since about ' Cain't we at lest have a couple of by-god spittons?
Andy boy, you wanted the past, so I just gave it to you, for real. There's no way I can afford to live in PA as an average person now, but every once in a while I ride my bike down Bryant street. I always see Mrs. Zimmerman's mustangs in front of her house. Good on her for being a normal person in a neighborhood of multi million dollar houses and ultra super wealthy Steve Jobs. Zimmerman is Palo Alto. I remember working at Edie's Icecream sp? Still, it was worth it for all the free ice cream and candy. Also remember sitting on the bench at Winter Lodge, eating green apple sour balls and scraping together snowballs to throw at the girls.
Going into the midtown creeks after Little League games to fetch frogs so my mom's garden could produce more corn, tomatoes, etc without bugs doing damage. Riding our bikes up to Foothill Club and University Club during the summer. It seemed like a Tour de France mountain stage at the time, but in reality it's just a small hill. Going to Foothill Park and finding snakes, banana slugs, deer antlers and salamanders. Cruising around on the roof at Jordan, and finding all sorts of things you wouldn't expect on a jr high roof My sister and I are sitting here reading everyone's old memories and are loving it!
We grew up on Emerson St, lived there from about We would love to have pictures of some of these old Palo Alto icons for a computer slideshow we are compiling. We would be happy to share the end product with you. If anyone has pictures of the following they'd like to share, could you please let us know? Thank you Mayfield Jack for that piece of history - damn interesting!
I wonder if it was the death of her son that made Mrs. Stanford a little partyless. I actually have a few pictures of places that have since gone by the recking ball e. I wonder if the Weekly could create an area here where folks could post the pictures for everyone to see? Hey Bill Johnson, what do you think, could this be done? It would be pretty cool.
I know that the PA Historic Assc has a website of pictures, too. Andy Freedman androcls aol. We are working on a capability to upload photos. Photos can currently only be posted with the original post, but not with comments on the original post. Thanks for starting this thread; it's produced some wonderful memories. What a fun thread! Above all, it's always fun to meet some fellow "Old Palo Altans," to be reminded that there are still a few natives or semi-natives here to keep the spirit alive.
And on that note, non-natives often ask me to describe the spirit of the Palo Alto I grew up in -- which as we all know is very different to today's PA. Seems like it changed while I was away at college in the late 80s, and I've never been able to put my finger on what changed, other than that the real estate started going through the roof and the average household income added a zero or two.
Anyone care to take a stab at that answer? Was it more liberal? More of a small-town feel? Here's what I've been trying to remember along the lines of places that have gone away. Around , when I was at the tail end of my high school years, there was an old, house-lie building in downtown Palo Alto, corner of Lytton and Kind of a white adobe building, and on Friday nights, my friends Hershel Yadovitz and David Walker -- along with a few others -- would get a band together and play there.
It was just a big open space, a great spot for a party though ours were very tame, now that I think about it. Not Chimera Books, though that was a great spot, too Anyone remember the name of the grocery store on Middlefield across the street from Midtown Market, where Scherba's auto store was. Timeframe would be around 62 - Thank you Bill Johnson.
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This has certainly jogged my memory - I can't believe all the other folks out there who, like me and my friends, snuck out at night to go swimming at Chuck Thompson's. An interesting aside - I was a little suprised at the opposition by neighbors of an additional tennis court in that area some years ago.
Mainly, it was a noise issue in fact, the opponents stated that the sound test by Palo Alto was invalid - the "squeak of the tennis shoes" were not recorded - But my point, back in the 60s, at the height of the baby boon era, on any given early Saturday or Sunday morning, there were no fewer than 50 kids taking swim lessons - now talk about noise. Hi Steve - the grocery store you referred to was called Market Basket.
My older brother and his friends used that store to show mw how to "shop" when I was 4 years old. They told me to grab a bunch of candy and meet them outside. Fortunately, when I was stopped by the employees at the door, they relized that I didn't really have a concept of shoplifting. In googling Palo Alto History for a project, I came across this site, with some fun pictures and information about Palo Alto's earlier days along with biographies of prominent citizens.
I thought readers of this thread might be interested: A few more memories that have jogged free, in no particular order: Riding my bike with the crazy handle bars and banana seat down the pedestrian overpass next to the Oregon exit without using the brakes, and completely wiping out at the bottom.
The old Printer's Ink on California when it had the coffee bar inside.
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The old Victorian house on the corner of Cowper and Forest: You could look up at one of the upper windows and see straight through to the sky because the roof had caved in. Almost all the houses on my street used to be single story, and the sidewalk made a big curve around the trunk of an oak tree. The oak tree is now gone and all the houses are two stories.
Making quesadillas on my Coleman stove for the neighbors after the 89' earthquake. How strange it was that night when the whole town was blacked out. The odd industrial area where the PA Clinic is now. The China First restaurant where the Westin Hotel is now. Those stupid reversible shirts they made you buy for PE at Jordan red on one side, blue on the other.
I guess the idea was you could quickly change for "red team vs. I don't remember ever using it. The Keystone Palo Alto. Seeing Metallica there in '85, and talking briefly with Cliff Burton in the parking lot. I remember living on Forest being in 4th grade the last year of Lytton Elementary school. I had to go to Crescent Park for 5th, but then we moved to Cowper and was at Herbert Hoover for 6th grade. I remember Tony and his bike shop off ECR Way, he was a great guy, and riding my bike to Fran's to buy candy and read comics on the sidewalk by the tree.
Many more memories but most of all Leslie Clopton my first girlfriend to whom I gave a St. Christopher, so we could go steady, and from whom I received my first kiss. I'm late to this thread, darn it. But I remember some controversial stuff, too. Remember the Zodiac killer threatening to follow the school buses in Palo Alto?
The cops had to accompany the buses, at least to Garland Elementary. We had to stay in at recess. I remember bomb threats at Jordan. We never really believed there were bombs; it was just a chance to get out of class and chat on the lawn. There were war protestors downtown in the s. I seem to recall them in Lytton Square and at the corner of Emerson and University.
I was raised in Palo Alto and a few years ago meved to midle of nowhere Kansas, I remember when we moved to Palo Alto in the lat 60's all was orchard around us, it had long been developed by the time I left, Do you remember Terman Junior High, that was my school. I watched Palo Alto grow and I miss the area. As suggested in an earlier comment, we have created a "historic photos" category in Town Square and you can now post photos. You will need to first register as a user very easy Tony's Bike Shop used to be on El Camino in a broken down, green shack-like building next to that old white stucco building now being used as a tailor shop.
It was a real old place that smelled like new bicycle tires. His sons helped him out, too. I also got a little juvenile delinquent confession: A couple times, we went into the Al American Market and stole either chicken or spare ribs. This brought back so many memories of places long gone. Remember during the spring many backyards were literally alive with tiny, tiny toads that would move in from the creeks? We were truly lucky people!!
I remember them well but no one belives me. Does anyone remember what the name of the store was that had live monkeys in the window at Stanford Shopping Center back in the 's???? Here are some of my memories in no particular order: Milk deliveries to your home. The insulated silver box sat outside our front door. Pier's Dairy -- buying popsicles there during the summer. Walking to Stanford Stadium every Easter with my sister.
We would stop at the Harker residence Harker Academy because he had a small "farm" in his yard. We would play with the chickens and other animals. We made a special trip to his house on Channing every Halloween because his wife would hand out popcorn balls and he would unload his excess store inventory to the kids.
The Carmelcorn store and See's candies on University.
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The automat in Menlo Park on El Camino. It is now Brix burgers. Playing hide and seek at night and being able to ride your bike all around town and feel safe. Watching the fire works from our 2nd story roof on the 4th of July. Grilled cheese sandwiches and hot chocolate at Bergmann's with my Mom. Testing fuses at Maximart with my Dad. Riding on the open tailgate of our station wagon to the city dump, my feet dangling a foot or so off of the ground while the car was moving. Subsidizing my snack habit at Rinconada by crawling under the wood tanning platforms and diving to the bottom of the deep end for all the spare change that fell out of people's suits.
Living next door to Mr. Center what a great neighbor! My parents still live in that house. Being the last 9th grade class to go through Jordan. The 8th graders moved with us to Paly that Fall. Setting up a makeshift fort underground in the street the summer they were replacing the 8 ft.
Formico's pizza in Edgewood Plaza. It started as a deli, they added a pizza oven and eventually changed to a pizza place. Puddle jumping in my parent's car when it rained. The best puddle was on the curvy driveway that used to connect the Middlefield parking lot to the California Ave. It has since been removed. Hanging out at Stickney's with my friends. The police used to eat dinner there and we would buy them milk and have it delivered to their tables. Coffe crunch cake, yummmm. Saving the best for last: Huge part of my life.
I have been going to the games for 40 years now. Going there and sitting in the end zone with my family. Listening to the sound of the soda cans as they rolled down the metal ramps under the seats so they could be collected at the bottom. Going to 2 Rose Bowls. Later on, we moved to the 50 yard line with the students. I cried off and on for weeks when the old stadium was torn down, I miss her.
The new stadium is well built but it has no soul. Things that haven't been mentioned, or not mentioned enough: Not only Stickney's at Town and Country shopping, but also Stickney's Golden Chicken Restaurant Hobby House on Forest Avenue and its lady proprietress The years when Palo Alto police wore blazers instead of traditional uniforms The city-run green and white, with the Palo Alto seal bus system The pedal cars at Mitchell Park, complete with a model Chevron gas station The fact that Maximart was not only a pioneering discount store, but actually a collection of separately run businesses under one roof Saturday kids' matinees at the dark, spooky, unrenovated Stanford theatre which we all walked to from our homes, quarters in hand ; watching films with parents at the Fine Arts, and, if bored, learning from the illuminated clock on the wall how much more of the movie we had to endure.
Penney downtown but only at Christmas time , smaller variety store on California Avenue was it where Draper's Music Center more recently was? Midtown Pharmacy and the Market Basket also stocked some toys. Lee Brothers grocery store at Town and Country, and, specifically, buying Outer Limits trading cards from a machine there.
I was just alerted to this list by my sister, the last poster. I'll try not to repeat, but this is a great memory list. Our house is still there, although our parents have been on Edgewood for 43 years. The tropical fish store that used to be next to the Cheese House, where Sushi House is now. Does anyone remember the "Gingerbread house" that was on Oregon Avenue. Some old lady had put huge river rocks outside of her house and had painted the fence and the rocks to look like the witch's house in Hansel and Gretal. We swore she was a witch. Center and donkey basketball at Jordan, and the Gilroy food drives at Christmas.
Biking to Whiskey Gulch at 5 am to buy donuts so that we could stand in line to be first to sign up for swim classes at Rinconada. Couldn't do that now. Bourbon Street Stanford football for the last 40 years. Tearing down wooden goal posts, getting handed roses when we clinched the Rose Bowl bid, the band parading around a horse skeleton with Tommy Trojan on top during an SC game, Prince Lightfoot.
And lots of things I still won't put in print Grod music teacher Maybe I shouldn't - ahh, I will: Hanging out in the picnic area before school began at Wilbur junior high smoking cigs while Mr. Leon, Asst Principal, rode his bike to work. I was alerted about this thread by Nancy, with whom I would ride my bike at 5 AM to Whiskey Gulch to buy donuts so we could sit in front of Rinconada Pool to sign up for swimming lessons. At a time when it was safe for 10 year olds to do this. I grew up on E. Crescent; the shell of my old house is still there, but it was turned into a monster house which destroyed the wonderful huge back yard we enjoyed as kids.
High , Paly grades The day in Feb. And riding my bike to Gunn for three weeks one summer because there was no opportunity to take Driver's Ed at Paly Brownie day camp at Searsville Lake Testing fuses as well as shopping at the Lucky store at Edgewood Plaza, and buying candy at the pharmacy there Frequent trips to various stores in Whiskey Gulch Mrs. Wermuth, English teacher at Jordan, and Mrs. Morris, the graphic arts teacher at Paly. You both helped me through some very tough times.
Bergmanns, Norneys, Liddicoats and the first Mrs. That parking garage seemed to be so much bigger when I was young! Afternoon movies at the Stanford Theater, then graduating to the midnight movies at the Varsity every weekend Having milk delievered by Peninsula Creamery to the cubby in our old kitchen that had a door to the outside for this purpose.
The mint fudge ice cream I'd request, and trying to convince my mom to get butter instead of margarine because it tasted better. Plus going to Piers to get popsicles in the summer. Buying the last ticket for the Elton John concert at Bullocks now Nordstrom , among many other tickets purchased there Working at Baskin-Robbins on University Ave, even though I preferred Swensens Reading the Palo Alto Times Spending lots of time at Foothills Park, which I miss Rinconada Pool, when it had the high and low diving boards and the high and low diving platforms.
We spent the entire summer there, spending part of our time looking for and finding plenty of spare change at the bottom of the pool. Brownie troop meetings at the multi-purpose room at Crescent Park, and Girl Scout meetings at the Girl Scout House next to the Children's Library Fireworks at the Baylands, and going up to the top of Mayfield Mall so you could see the fireworks from all the local cities Lots more things that I don't talk about ;- I live in Ladera now, but still remember the cool place that Palo Alto was all those years ago.
Thanks for the trip down memory lane! Dick's a hamburger place near Polly and Jake's. Taco Tio, also on El Camino, when we could drive, and leave campus Paly , that's where we would go for lunch. Some places I worked I could write a book about my memories from those years, and my wife could also, we dated while at Cubberley and got married in She was a cheerleader and I was on the soccor team, tennis team, swim team, baseball team and wrestling team. I went to every school dance with live rock bands! The Varsity Theater used to be the center of my universe. I was friends with Michael Hedges, guitarist extrordanair!
Thanks for this opportuniy to share. I came back to see who else had posted and because I remembered a couple of things. And also Wiedeman's Mens store downtown. The chocolate cake at the Jordan cafeteria. I'm a baker and wish I could reproduce whatever it was that made that cake so good and memorable. What a great place to grow up in. I could relate to so many of the comments.
I ran across this thread while searching information about Ramos Ranch. For many horse crazed teenagers, it was a great place to grow up. We are trying to have a reunion with those of us who spent time there in the 70's. We have tracked down a number of people, but since most have different last names, or have moved, I could use some help. If you used to ride at Ramos Ranch, or knew somebody who did, please have them email me at alannalight cox.
Time to make more Palo Alto memories! Yes,the bonfires at Stanford. When the Stanford barn was a food court. The first one I remember. The Chuckwangon, all you could eat. My brother could eat a lot. Afternoon sock hops at Jordan. I am having flashbacks -- the good kind! Long time no see!! My parents' Eichler on Dake Ave.
From Mackay to Alma it was all fields with mustard flowers in the spring. Dad still lives there. I'm flying out for a visit in two weeks.
The things I remember about Palo Alto while growing up: | Town Square | Palo Alto Online |
Ah yes, the crossing guard sweater and the little yellow cadet beanie. The daytime traffic at Middlefield and Montrose seemed treacherous at the time. And that was when people actually drove the speed limit of I could whip through the Circles Roosevelt and Carlson with my eyes closed and not get lost The shoe store monkeys were real. I thought they were kind of nasty. My sister's boyfriend worked at what is now Rick's Rather Rich Ice cream at Charleston Center, and he would give us free cones.
As rebellious teens, we used to hang out at Mitchell Park at night. We owned that park. We were always the only ones there. Not too long ago, I took a walk there after dark, and the police shined a spotlight on me So many memories, lying fallow! Emerald Isle ice cream at Edy's Trudy, the waitress there The diner counter inside Bergman's, which many many years later turned into Bajis', with fantastic omelets Bajis is still in business on Old Middlefield, isn't it? The opening of Mayfield Mall, where I lived almost daily at the age of Magnin's op art themes The first train in the morning along Alma, its horn always waking me before dawn.
I would catch the train to SF at California Ave. My locker at Wilbur The bike bridge near Greenmeadow, linking Creekside to Duncan Place To this day, the stench of rotting fish reminds me of going to school. In a good way I can't go on, my eyes are misty. So glad I found this blog! And when they installed the first Pong machine at the Stanford Coffee House? The Menu Tree with the pretend parrots upstairs Seems like most of my memories involve ice cream, hamburgers, pizza I had to laugh when I read Don Ganschow's post about driving fast down Alma to stay ahead of the malathion choppers.
We didn't have a garage, so our cars lost all their shine. Wow, reading these posts has brought back memories of things I hadn't thought of in years. I grew up in PA from when we moved to Menlo Park. We lived at the tip of the pie formed by Embarcadero and California. My father was a grad student at Stanford and later worked at HP when it was only the one building, which looked like an elementary school. I remember when they built the second building, shaped like a sawtooth.
I only went to Garland for kindergarten before we moved. I remember the monkeys at the shoe store; you could see them from both inside and outside the store. I'll ask my mother if she remembers the name of the store. It was the old style gas station, stucco with the shell painted right on the building. There was a pile of old kerosene burners in the back that the CHP used to mark accidents, before they used flares. I thought there was only a stop sign to cross , but it may have been a light. The circus used to come once a year and set up tents in the empty lots just on the other side of There was an old farmer's yard on California that ran from Oregon Ave.
They built Eichlers on it around We used to feed the horses on Oregon Ave. I remember the Drive-in movies next to I thought it was in Mountain View. My mom took me there to play sometimes during the day; they had a merry-go-round and slides right under the screen. Was Thom McCann's the shoe store with the monkeys? That's the only name that pops into my head. This is fun stuff. I think most memories have been covered so I am trying to think of something original Bagels dripping with melted butter at Wilbur Jr.
Learning to type on a manual typewriter in jr. Typing pictures for fun Navy with thin, white, vertical stripes polyester one-piece jumpers with snaps at the shoulders that the girls had to wear as PE uniforms at Wilbur last year of uniforms was ' Sneakers being sold at Safeway in ' Nikes being introduced in ' People didn't know whether to pronounce them Nikes or Nikees.
Bubble Yum being the rage in ' Pop Rocks Sweating profusely in PE and then having to change back into clothing and run to next class. No time to shower, nor did anyone want to shower in front of others. Senora Sally Mearns, Mrs. Andrea Erzberger whom recently passed away , perplexed at what Mr. Senor Hill whom I don't want to remember. Anderson in Family Life class teaching about subliminal advertising. Churchill being busy with bicylists because everyone was riding bicycles to school ithout helmets. Riding to Mayfield Mall with friends at age 11 to buy birthday gifts. Skateboarding all over town and returning home as the sun was setting.
Rec afterschool at the school. In at Wilbur, flying with my zoology class on Southwest Airlines to the San Diego Zoo for a day at the round-trip price of thirty-seven dollars it was even a low cost at that time. Bicycle parking cage at Wilbur where there is now a parking lot. Being a traffic guard at my elementary school. Ortega, DeAnza, Crescent Park elementary schools. Green Gables is now Duveneck. Changing the name of Palo Verde to Sequoiah so that the Ortega students would feel more welcome to Palo Verde we kids didn't understand what the big deal was and why they insisted on changing the name.
The X-rated store on El Camino way. The dairy on Greer Rd. The Drive-in movie screens on West Bayshore. How could you not like Senor Hill? He went on to continue to coach the PALY badminton team until ' Always a badminton player's favorite! These are great memories, I share and relate to them all!
Hi folks, Someone brought up Thrifty and the 5-cent ice-cream cones. Remember TV's having tubes. Thrifty had a machine that, well, if you didn't know what tube in your TV was out, you'd take 'em all and test them on the machine. About people showed up representing the early 50s through the late 70s.
We just asked folks to bring a side dish. It was FREE, too. One on the telly that explodes. A giant one with electrified tentacles. Plus the penguins who are smarter than BBC programme planners.
Especially in the third season, with a nude organist playing a little fanfare before the opening titles. The episode "How to Recognize Different Parts of the Body" started with a lineup of beautiful women in bikinis, leading to John Cleese and the It's Man, also in bikinis. Insurance agent Ron Devious sells a vicar a car insurance policy that includes a "free nude lady"; when the vicar leaves Devious' office, he takes with him a shopping trolley that has a naked girl sitting in it. Subverted in a few cases.
In "And now, a bit of fun," a busty blonde woman does a striptease, but the footage is sped up so fast it's very difficult to actually see anything. Also subverted with the "Full-frontal nudity" episode. Things keep getting in the way This was Carol Cleveland's primary role for most of her appearances on the show. As she explained it, the Python's used her and Connie Booth for roles that required an actual woman, not a man in a dress.
No we never do meet Mr. Belpit, nor do we find out why his legs are so swollen. The title character of the episode "Michael Ellis". An animated television biologist calls the main character "Mr. Ellis", but the end of the sketch shows he's not Michael Ellis. Frequently mocked, particularly in the Dirty Fork sketch. Our only clue is this portion of wolf's clothing which the killer sheep- Random Viking: What is the attitude- Random Viking: Getting Hot in Here: In one intro, a woman in her apartment used the line and stripped, she got to her bra when John Cleese entered the frame to start the show.
In another sketch, after Ramsay Mac Donald is re-elected Prime Minister he returns to 10 Downing Street, says the line, and strips, showing that he's wearing women's underwear. Giant Foot of Stomping: A Trope Codifier animation-wise, anyway. Gorn "It's got a nice woody sound, 'gooooorn'. The Pepperpots Gratuitous French: Often shows up in the original series and, on occasion, the movies. A nun kicks a policeman in the groin and Inspector Leopard knees a policeman in the 'nads.
For the love of god, whatever you do, don't say anything about the fact that you're not expecting the Spanish Inquisition. The fairy-tale kingdom of Happy Valley. The subjects were always happy all the time because, by royal decree, anyone who wasn't happy would be put to death. One subject whose wife had just died is seen being arrested, tried, convicted and sentenced to hang by the neck until he cheers up. Hats Off to the Dead: The policemen chanting laments for the inspector who recovers the Funniest Joke in the World from the Scribbler apartment doff their helmets when the inspector dies laughing.
References to more obscure people also occur. How Did That Get in There? An old woman is showing a young woman pictures of Uncle Ted at various places around the house, mixed in with them is the completely unexpected picture of the Spanish inquisition hiding behind the coal shed. Shows up constantly, though none more so in the Argument Clinic sketch where the actors in said sketch are accused of taking part in a sketch with intent of inflicting grievous mental confusion.
It's later lampshaded when the policeman who comes in to arrest them for this is himself arrested for the same crime. A fourth policeman is briefly seen before the sketch ends possibly due to Reality-Breaking Paradox. I Am Not Shazam: Played with in the 30th Anniversary Special, when Idle presents a mock biography of the non-existent Mr. The bio presents him as a faceless Man Behind the Man who secretly runs the troupe from the shadows, but admits outright that nobody knows if he even exists.
And plenty of it. Hormel, the makers of Spam, didn't mind the use and even advertise their wonderful Spam using the Python Spam references. Left the Background Music On: One sketch starts with a slow pan over the sea, rushing against the seaside cliffs , accompanied by Felix Mendelssohn's Hebrides Overture , but the music suddenly starts skipping The Cheese Shop sketch has John Cleese's character entering said shop to the sound of the sound of folk music, and actually passes one man playing a bouzouki inside the shop, while two other men are dancing to the music.
There was also a vox pop segment where the interviewer tries to get an opinion from a "man in the street", who is promptly run over. The Amazing Mystico and Janet put up housing blocks by hypnosis. Janet is the Lovely Assistant. In the sketch "Prejudice", the Lovely Assistant Carol presents the winning entries for a contest to find a derogatory term for the Belgians. Zigzagged in "You're No Fun Anymore. During the board meeting segment of the sketch, Michael Palin's character is an accountant who proclaims his firm has made a total of a shilling in the last fiscal year, and upon further questioning, that five pence of a further sixpence went to taxes, leaving him a penny short.
Under pressure, he admits that he embezzeled the penny. John Cleese's character has this reaction: How did that happen? The end of the phonograph record version of "The Piranha Brothers": I shall have to ask you to accompany me to the station! Aside Glance It's a fair cop And don't talk into the camera! Is there a word zalling? If there is what does it mean What do I mean by the word mean? What do I mean by the word word, what do I mean by what do I mean, what do I mean by do, and what do I do by mean?
What do I do by do by do and what do I do by wasting your time like this? It's so greasy isn't it? Smith should be running this country and how many languages Enoch Powell can speak and then he throws up all over the Cuba Libres—. And later on we'll be meeting a man who actually does gardening. In the "Village Idiot" sketch, it's revealed that all village idiots are actually quite erudite when no one else is around; they just babble nonsense and fall off walls because it amuses the tourists and provides "a vital psychosocial role" in giving others someone to look down upon.
This trope was satirized to death and then some by the "Bavarian Restaurant" sketch. Ironically enough, made on location for German television. A favoured target of satire. Constable Pan-Am, from the ending of the Chemists sketch, for one. Once for Yes, Twice for No: The sketch in which a coffin is called as a witness. In Pleasure at her Majesty's , the film of the first ever Amnesty International "Secret Policeman's Ball", the backstage footage shows Peter Cook who stood in for Eric Idle as the defendant pointing out to John Cleese the defense counsel that at one point he asked the coffin a question without a yes-or-no answer: Aldridge, are you thinking or are you just dead?
In-show, the Colonel often tries to act as this by stopping sketches before they become too 'silly'.
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