Dont Beat YOur Children Or Theyll Turn Out Like Me


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Alfie Kohn, author of 'Unconditional Parenting. Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason' says, "When I ask parents, at the beginning of my lectures, what their long term goals are for the children, I hear words such as ethical, compassionate independent happy and so on. No-one ever says mindlessly compliant. A compliant child becomes a particular concern, Kohn admits, when they reach adolescence.

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To put it the other way around: Children who have been responded to, led to believe - in a healthy way - that their voice is valued, that all they have to do is object and action will be taken - they will push boundaries. And this is really healthy behaviour. They've learned there's no point arguing because their voice isn't valued.

So much of what we see as disobedience in children is actually just natural, curious, exploring, learning behaviour. Or reacting — in the only way they know how — to a situation over which they have no control. A very obedient or complaint child — it depends, some are more docile by temperament - but others have created a false self because they sense their parent will only love them if they are obedient. The need for autonomy doesn't vanish because kids have been cowed into doing what they're told.

A very young child isn't actually meant to be obedient all of the time, according to Roy. This is because their needs are often completely at odds with an adult's.

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That's just one lovely big, blank canvas to a two-year-old with a contraband crayon, who doesn't understand why you praise them so much for drawing on a piece of paper but shout at them for drawing on the wall. You think it's a cold day and want to wrestle a woolly pully over your child's head but actually the child isn't cold and doesn't want it. Imagine going to a friend's house and you accidentally spill a drink and get shouted at, instead of them saying "oh don't worry" and mopping it up.

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Dont Beat YOur Children Or Theyll Turn Out Like Me Dont Beat YOur Children Or Theyll Turn Out Like Me
Dont Beat YOur Children Or Theyll Turn Out Like Me Dont Beat YOur Children Or Theyll Turn Out Like Me
Dont Beat YOur Children Or Theyll Turn Out Like Me Dont Beat YOur Children Or Theyll Turn Out Like Me
Dont Beat YOur Children Or Theyll Turn Out Like Me Dont Beat YOur Children Or Theyll Turn Out Like Me
Dont Beat YOur Children Or Theyll Turn Out Like Me Dont Beat YOur Children Or Theyll Turn Out Like Me
Dont Beat YOur Children Or Theyll Turn Out Like Me Dont Beat YOur Children Or Theyll Turn Out Like Me

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